There’s breaking in the landing
There’s terror in the leap
But it’s the
Falling,
Falling
Falling
That robs my soul of peace
My heart fears nothing as much as exposure. There is a physical sensation that comes over me when I find myself suspended with no answer. It’s like drowning; being tossed about in the water without knowing which way is up. It’s like falling and not knowing where the bottom is. I don’t even care what awaits me when I hit the ground, I only long for an end to the fall.
I am Adam. I find myself naked, so I hide behind anything I can find. I hide in logic, in well thought out plans, in people, in busyness, in peanut butter milkshakes. But even when I hide myself in the Mighty Fortress, even when my deepest self knows that I am secure, I still feel exposed. I still plead with God to feel solid ground under my feet once again.
But if I learned anything in the past several months, it’s that growth is found while trusting in the waiting. God took the Israelites into the desert for forty years of wandering. But in this time of waiting, a nation was formed out of a ragged group of slaves. Waiting is vulnerable, and it is in vulnerability that we are most pliable in the hands of the craftsman. It was in the desert that God revealed Himself to Israel.
God doesn’t always give us answers, but he always gives us Himself, and that is better by far. I long for resolution, but I prefer relationship.
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